Between a Home and a Home

There are movies that can put you in a state of mind that can't be easily described with words. You are sitting there in the cinema when half of the people have already left and listening to the third song during the credits in the end of the movie. You wonder why they still haven't switched on the lights and you feel thankful for that because your makeup is probably totally destroyed, and your eyes are red, and you don't want to go back to the real world. You just wish you had a cup of really bitter tea. The kind of tea someone makes when they make green tea but don't know that the water should be 80 degrees and pour it into the cup when it's boiling hot. And you know you would now intentionally make it that way. And then the lights are on, and the music stops and you are back to the real world feeling like you jumped off a car while it was still moving.

If you don't know what I'm talking about let me explain. I have just watched the Oscar-nominated Brooklyn. I first noticed this movie when I was checking out all the Oscar nominations. The description didn't wake up the interest and the movie didn't end up on my to-watch-list then. Yesterday though I accidentally saw the trailer while waiting for another movie to start. I knew instantly this was something I wanted to see because it was something I felt I could relate to. (Don't watch the trailer though if you don't want to find out about all the most important things in the movie).

Leaving home and missing home are such universally understandable experiences that I find it incredible that some people actually can't relate to that. First your heart was there and now it's somewhere in between. I remember the first months in Sweden many years ago. I felt excruciating physical pain of missing home. I remember lying in my bed in a small student room in Västerås feeling the pain of wishing to be right next to the people I loved, the people I left. Then months later it went away and I don't think I ever felt anything like that again.

"You'll feel so homesick that you'll want to die, and there's nothing you can do about it apart from endure it. But you will, and it won't kill you... and one day the sun will come out and you'll realize that this is where your life is." - Eilis, Brooklyn

Being between countries, between people, between languages, between mentalities, between experiences, between past and present. Knowing your past life will always be a part of who you are but also knowing you could never go back.

I suspect Irish people know something important about life. Otherwise how could they create these wonderful, touching and brilliant movies like About Time and Brooklyn? I don't have any Irish friends but tell me whether that's true if you know any. It's just that sometimes you watch a movie like this and you sit there in the dark in the cinema listening to the third song during the credits in the end of the movie and everything inside of you is made of feelings. And then you know that's the broken part of your heart that you have learnt to live with. It is always there and it will probably never heal.

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